For years, I was a chronic yes-sayer. Yes to extra work projects, yes to every social event, yes to helping out when I already felt stretched too thin.
Saying no? That felt selfish—or worse, rude. But let me tell you: learning to say no is one of the most empowering, life-changing skills I’ve ever mastered.
Here’s what I’ve learned about the art of saying no, and how it’s helped me protect my energy, prioritize myself, and actually feel good about it.
It’s Not About Being Mean—It’s About Being Real
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re unkind or uncaring. It means you’re honest about your limits. I used to say yes out of guilt, but then I’d show up exhausted, resentful, or half-hearted. That doesn’t help anyone. A genuine no is better than an insincere yes.
Here’s a trick I use: when I’m asked to do something, I pause and ask myself, Can I do this without stress? Will this add joy or peace to my life? If the answer is no, then my answer is no.
Start Small and Practice
If you’re not used to saying no, it can feel awkward or scary. Start with smaller things, like turning down an invitation to something that doesn’t excite you. Here’s how I do it: I thank the person for thinking of me, and then I politely decline without over-explaining.
For example:
- “Thank you so much for inviting me! I won’t be able to make it, but I hope it’s a wonderful event.”
- “I appreciate you asking, but I’m not able to commit to that right now.”
Notice how there’s no long explanation or apology. You don’t owe anyone a detailed reason.
Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Boundaries are your best friend when it comes to protecting your energy. For me, this means being clear about what I can and cannot do—and not wavering when someone tries to push. If you work from home, for example, set boundaries around when you’re available and when you’re offline.
One of my favorite boundary tips? Keep your response short and firm. For example:
- “That sounds great, but I’m keeping evenings free for family time.”
- “I’d love to help, but my plate is full right now.”
No guilt. No over-explaining. Just clear communication.
Recognize That No Can Be a Gift
Sometimes saying no is the kindest thing you can do. If you say yes when you’re overextended, you’re more likely to let people down or deliver less than your best. By saying no, you’re giving someone the chance to find the right person who can give them their full energy and attention.
When I started thinking of no as a gift, it changed everything. It’s not a rejection—it’s redirection.
Give Yourself Permission to Prioritize Yourself
Here’s the hardest part: giving yourself permission to put your needs first. For me, this meant letting go of the fear of disappointing others. It also meant understanding that my time and energy are finite. If I’m constantly giving to others, there’s nothing left for me.
So now, when I say no, I remind myself:
- I’m saying yes to my mental health.
- I’m saying yes to my family or my passions.
- I’m saying yes to what truly matters.
It Gets Easier
The first few times you say no, it might feel uncomfortable. That’s okay. Growth is uncomfortable. But over time, it becomes second nature. The more you protect your energy and prioritize yourself, the better you’ll feel—and the better you’ll show up for the things and people that matter most.
No Is a Complete Sentence
Learning to say no isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about showing up for yourself. It’s about setting boundaries, being intentional with your time, and letting go of the guilt. And when you start saying no to the things that don’t serve you, you make room to say yes to the things that truly do.
Trust me: your future self will thank you.
Feature Image Credit: Pexels / Monstera Production.
